I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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