had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We had to coat check the pizza.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
