im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
