why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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