they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
