Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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