She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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