Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
