Do you still have your period?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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