i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
