Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
