i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
