no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
