Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
