Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
