why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
