three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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