Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
