Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
