Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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