can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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