Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
