The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
