Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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