you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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