Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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