One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
