I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
