since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
