did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am naked and annoyed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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