I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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