He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
