Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
