I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
