ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize