dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
