Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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