Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
