I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
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