So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Randomize
