i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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