it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
