I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
