First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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