Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
