Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
