i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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