census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
