If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
