So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
