Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
