There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
