Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
