420 ftw
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
