yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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