Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry about my life...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
