ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
