New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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