I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
