No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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