I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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