i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
don't judge my taste in strippers
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
