Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
