If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
