not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
