This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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