She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize