Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
