Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
