I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
