no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
