trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Randomize
