And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
