i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
