I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
