Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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