my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
