can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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